I'm piddling around online like I normally do...emails, Facebook, you know...the usual stuff. I noticed that one of my new Twitter followers (side note: thank you to everyone who has followed me so far...there's been too many to thank individually in 140 characters) is a guy whose website boasts that he can help you...yes, YOU write a book and become a published author! If you just get his CD and his handy-dandy guidebook, he'll reveal to you (yes, YOU) the hidden secrets of not only writing your book but publishing it and making thousands upon thousands of dollars! Yes, that's right....if you use his methods you can not only write the next worldwide blockbuster book, but you can also get it published quickly and easily whilst avoiding common mistakes almost every new writer makes. In addition, you will reap the rewards! That's right, you will be showered with gold! Beautiful models will arrive at your house in Ferrari's and Porsche's. And you get to keep both! You will also get a monkey. That's right, you get a free monkey to go along with your new found wealth, sexy fun-time models and sleek ass cars. Not to mention your new full time career of being a worldwide bestselling author!
Um....really?
Does anyone really believe that there's a simple, inroad to getting published and making millions? There isn't. Nope. Sorry, there just isn't.
"But what about self-publishing? Isn't that what you did? Isn't that just a quick and easy way to get published and make money?"
Well, yes and no. Yes, it's true, self publishing services like Amazon's KDP and Barnes and Noble's Pubit really do make publishing your own work as an ebook very, very simple. Just upload, set your price point and done. Hell, a half brain dead slug could do that much.
But there's no easy way to do all of the things this site (and I've seen dozens just like it, so believe me, I'm not picking on one person) talks about. There's really not. Let's take it a step at a time, shall we?
1. First you have to write a book. Now, on the surface, this is a really easy thing to do, right? Think of a cool idea, put words down on paper, viola! But as (I hope) many of you know, writing a book isn't a simple act at all. Even the books that "seem to write themselves" pose obstacles and problems, twists and turns that you as the author have to navigate. I'll be doing more posts on some of the ins and outs of what it takes to write a book later, otherwise this post will be War and Peace kind of long. But there's one little thing missing from the whole "write a book" theory that these do it quick sites fail to impress.
The book has to be good.
Yep. You can't just throw some shit on a page and call it a book. This isn't a modern art museum where you can put a purple triangle on a wall and blow smoke up the public's ass and tell them it's a statement on the cultural impact of recycling in the Sudan or something. No, the book has to be good. It has to be well written, with good grammar and well thought out sentences. It has to have characters that people believe and care about. It has to have a plot, goals for these characters, obstacles for them to overcome...
2. Get published. Damn, that's just simple, isn't it? 2 words. Get Published. Hell, if it were that simple, I'd have done it and had a career equal to Stephen King's back when I was 9. (This is also a subject which will spawn more posts in the future, so forgive me if I gloss over some things here.) When it comes to publishing, you have 2 choices: traditional publishing (think one of the big houses in New York) or self publishing. As mentioned earlier, yes, self pubbing is a very simple route. Click, upload, done. There are no agents to win over, no editors sitting in a Manhattan office to convince...you just upload that bitch and you're a published writer. But just because you have a book listing on Amazon or B&N or Smashwords or wherever doesn't mean that people are going to buy the thing, or that they'll like it (see #1).
If you're doing the self pub route (which I'm going to assume most of you reading this are), then everything that would have been taken care of by a traditional publisher now falls to you. So, you have to edit the book. You have to get it formatted for Kindle and Nook, you have to design a cover. Sure, you can do all of this yourself. There are plenty of formatting freeware things out there and there are plenty of images on the internet that you can snag and create a cover. But if you're doing this and you really want to do it right, shouldn't you do it the right way? I mean by getting a professional to do some of this for you? People buy books that look professionally done. They will rarely buy a book whose cover looks like you put it together in Paint or using Clip Art. If you really care and really want to do this, then do it professionally. Hire a cover designer. Hire an editor. Hire a good format person. All of this takes time and money. There is no quick and easy way to do it, I don't care what a CD tells you.
3. Market the book. This one, I'll admit, is probably one of the trickier things to do of all of these. In the ad on the website that spawned this post, I didn't see any claims to helping you unlock the mysteries of marketing the book. I assume that somewhere in the guide and CD that he covers that information. However, marketing is - from what I've learned (and I'll be the first to admit I don't know a hell of a lot about it) is around 30% hard work and 70% luck. What works on some people won't work on others. Getting your book more visible on Amazon seems about as easy and clear a path as finding a needle in a windowless, blacked out room while blindfolded and having your hands tied behind you. Sure you can increase your web presence: blog, Goodreads, Kindleboards, Twitter, Facebook, etc....but what it all comes down to is luck. You get lucky if people find your book and based on the description, cover and sample pages like it enough to invest in it. Then it all comes back to #1. Writing a damn good book.
I don't want any of you to think that I'm saying that these kinds of web sites are hokey and are just out to steal money from you and not give you anything in return. They probably do contain some good nuggets of information, some kernels of wisdom that may not be obvious or easily found out on your own. Some of the things that I've done once I published the book were things I learned from other people. It's not all 'make it up on your own.' But the thing that chaps me the most is the blatant claim that you can - just by reading their site, or subscribing to their newsletter or seminar, or by watching their DVD - automatically know how to write a good book and tell a good, engaging story, then know how to polish it up so that it is the best it can be, THEN know how to get it in front of people so that they will happily scoop it up and spend hours enjoying the hell out of it, so much so that they just throw their wallets at you.
It's not that easy, people. I'm sorry to have to tell you, but there is no magic CD. There is no secret back door into writing a book, publishing it and making money. There's only work, determination and luck. If you've read this far, I'm willing to bet you have it in you to do what you need to do. You CAN do it. You CAN write a great book and get it published. You just can't do it by subscribing to some website or by listening to a guy speak in a small conference room at the Airport Ramada.
You can only do it by sitting down and writing the damn thing yourself.
Now go write it.
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